Look at this.

This is fantastic:

SLUTWALK

I know it's old, and you all may have seen it, but this is the first time I've heard of it.

Seeking Warmth

Good Morning, freezing friends, and

Happy December!

I wish i knew how to throw some glitter on those words.

Now that it's December, we can officially embrace the beginnings of the holiday season. Ideally you have been celebrating the Holiday season for a few months now, but apparently that is "not cool" or "annoying" or "draining" to those of you scrooges out there, and therefore not very popular.

Oldie but a goody, right? Speaking of Christmas music, She & Him released A Very She & Him Christmas a couple months ago, and it's adorable and delightful and you should acquire it. I'e been listening on loop in my car for months.

So with the approaching holidays, we have the plunging temperatures, which makes getting out of bed oh so very hard. Which is why I have developed a morning warmth system that I would like to share with you:

INGREDIANTS:

electric blanket or heating pad

slippers

hot tea/hot cocoa/coffee

clothes for the day

1. get out of bed. this is the hard part.

2. turn on blanket/heating pad. make bed with this on top. gather all of your clothes, minus undies, and place UNDER heated object with another blanket on top to seal in the warmth. Yes, we are preheating your clothes.

3. Put undies in bathroom. Turn on shower to hot, close door to bathroom. We are preheating the bathroom.

4. Go gather all your breakfast stuff. Make sure you have a clean mug, never a sure bet in my house. I recommend planning ahead and washing one the night before.

5. Shower. Before opening the bathroom door after your shower, blow dry your hair. Hopefully, you are sweating by the end of it.

6. Put on your pre-heated clothes.

7. Drink warm beverage. Voyage into the cold. You are so warm by this point that the cold will be refreshing, not awful...

Happy holidays! Don't forget your hat!

How to learn to hate wine

Happy holidays! 'Tis the season of holiday parties, friends, family, gift-giving, etc.

'Tis the season to imbibe.

This past weekend, I visited Asheville, NC for my birthday! While in Asheville, I went to a wine tasting at the Biltmore Estate.

Jess! You hate wine! It makes you dry heave to smell it! People pour you a glass with dinner and you rudely turn it down! Why did you go to a wine tasting?

Good questions. And a better answer: it was free with our fancy schmancy Candlelight Christmas tickets. And I never say no to free.

So we embarked on the tour, learned all about the grapes and fermentation and how to make the bubbly. And it was really really neat and educational. I love educational... and then came the tasting.

First, let me digress and tell you about my history of wine drinking.

1. Freshman year: my roommate and I bought a bottle of Merlot. It tasted nasty with our Olive Garden take out... but delicious with the vending machine cookies we ate for dessert. I had a wicked hangover.

2. Sophomore year: to celebrate our first apartment, my roommate and I bought a big bottle of Riesling. We drank too much, too fast, and danced to Miley Cyrus. I had a wicked hangover.

3. Discovery of Arbor Mist and, my personal fave, Andre: Oh, peach-flavored Andre. Oh, you. You don't even taste remotely wine or champ-like. A beautiful thing, you are.

4. Mistaking liking Andre for liking Champagn: Champ and Andre are NOT THE SAME. Champ is not nearly as delicious. Even if you put fruit in it. Or juice. Sigh.

5. Trying to learn to like wine: This happened this summer. I decided once and for all it was time to get over my vino-aversion, and start choosing wine over beer (because beer makes me farty, ok?) I wimped out. After 1 sip. I still prefer beer.

Which brings me to the wine tasting. I was handed a list and told I could have as much as I'd like. My first thought was, I wish this was beer. But then I decided to suck it up and taste some and get over it.

And you know what? It wasn't half bad. I even found a couple I really enjoyed. Yes they were white wines, yes they were sweet and fruity, so what? I bought a bottle, it's Christmas Wine. It's delicious.

Bottom line: don't try to like something by overindulging, especially with alcohol. And drink good wine. And remember Tums when you're drinking beer.

Me, in front of the Bass Pond at Biltmore.

An Incomplete List of Condiment Lines To Use In Daily Conversation

by Jess and Terry.

"Happy 4th of July! Don't you just love Hollandaise?!"

"Chimichurri up and put your shoes on!"

"Jalapeno bills!" (read: holla! payin' yo bills)

"I hate to truffle any feathers, but someone's got to say something!"

"I'd ask her out, butter brother looks tough."

"Don't be a sauerkraut!"

"Will you marinara me?"

"Agave you two warnings already."

"Chow chow you doin'?"

"Marmite I have the next dance?"

"You're just going to have to chutney on this one."

"I Worcestershire I'd asked her out first."

"Girl, put some panties on. From this angle I can syrup your skirt."

"Don't think twice, it's all raita."

"I vinaigrette to tell you, but I have already made plans."

"You aioli live once!"

"Would you like to dijon me for dinner?"

"I went tobasco in the sun and got a sunburn."

"It was a good night, with only margarine-al errors."

"Girl, have you lost weight? You look tahini!"

"I haven't seen you in forever - we should ketchup soon!"

"Instead of going out, we can just stay home and sriracha movie!"

"Honey, mustard you wear that shirt again??"

"Sometimes you just have to caesar the opportunity and steal a kiss!"

"I prefer to only date boys from the ranch."

"Mayo I have a cookie?"

Hey, you wasabi me a drink?"

"You mustard be on time for your classes!"

"What do you guys soy, sauce we stop?"

gross!

Isn't it weird how animals like gross things? Like, rotting garbage or other animals' feces?

Mufasa likes feet.

He also likes my pits after a run. He noses way up in there and tries to lick. It's super nasty.

Your morning dose of gross, thoughtfully brought to you by Mess.
You're welcome.

Delicious Treats: My Life

I've really hit a kitchen low:

I considered making the Mayonegg.



Am I gross? Maybe. I like to think I'm just bland though.

Book Review

The Help

by Kathryn Stockett It took me a couple of days to really get in to this book, but once I did I read it straight through. Surprisingly light for the subject matter, The Help explores the relationships between white women and their hired black help in mid-20th century Mississippi.

Overall, the book was good. Stockett has a nice voice, and it reads easy. It was a little too fluffy for my taste, barely brushing on the dark side of the issue. It reads more as a coming-of-age story than a commentary on the social turmoil of the time.

Have you ever read a book that you really enjoyed while you were reading it, and immediately afterwards you were like yeah! it's so good! go read it! but then a week later you just feel sort of meh about it? That's how I feel about this book. It's a good read, very interesting, but probably not as good as I initially thought.