New Year's Resolutions

My favorite part of the New Year is resolutions.  I had a really great 2011.  Here are some of the highlights:

1. I went back to school to finish undergrad.  That meant transferring jobs and moving back to Athens, which was a little stressful, but well worth it.

2. Terry and I vacationed in Naples, Florida!

3. I ran the Warrior Dash with Keats

4. I made a few new friends that have quickly become very important people in my life.

5. My relationship with my parents has never been better :)

6. Dudefriend took me to Asheville for my 23rd birthday.

7. My Grandma turned 70!

I'm really proud of the year I've had, and I'm in such a good place for 2012.  This year, I made 24 resolutions, since my 24th birthday is in November.  

1. Run a 10k.

2. Take a daily multivitamin.

3. Call my Grandparents every week.

4. Read 15 books for pleasure. (I'm one in already!)

5. Make all A's in my classes.

6. Go turkey hunting.

7. Take a trip to the west coast.

8. Go kayaking.

9. Take Dudefriend to Pigeon Mountain to show him the caves.

10. Visit Washington D.C.

11. Buy less coffee out, drink more at home.

12. Wear sunscreen!  I'm so bad about this.

13. Vid-chat with my lil bro.

14. Make time for my friends, old and new.  

15. Build more furniture with Dudefriend!

16. Learn how to clean a fish.

17. Keep my herbs from dying.

18. Take advantage of all the free parks and exhibits in Athens.

19. Take more photos.

20. Go to a winery with Terry.

21. Talk to my professors during their office hours.

22. Craft crafts I love to craft.

23. Write more, here and personally.

24. EAT. DELICIOUS. FOOD.

I couldn't be more excited.  Good luck on your resolutions!

BOOK REVIEW

(When I told my mom I wanted this book for Christmas, her response was "Why? The Office isn't even funny."  Moms.)

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns

by Mindy Kaling

I usually don't read books in one sitting, but much like Tina Fey's book, I devoured this in a couple of hours.  Mindy has the best voice (I guess that's to be expected, she's a writer and comedian) and her chapters read like your best friend is telling you the funniest story.  

What really impressed me is that while the entire thing is hilarious, it's also so very relate-able.  Reading about her struggles to accept critique and work in a writing group - learning to play well with others - is a lesson anyone (me me me) can definitely pocket.  Her honesty is admirable.  Every time I've hears someone mention this book, their response is always how much Mindy is like them.  I think this is just because everything she writes is so honest, how could it NOT reflect your life too?  Real-world observations and experiences.

I definitely recommend.

Excerpt on Amazon.

Painting under the influence

A few years ago, Terry and I used to have Craft and Beer Fridays, where we would get together and craft under the influence*.  Well, tonight Dudefriend and I got the opportunity to imbibe while taking a painting lesson!  We checked out Pints and Paints (due to a sweet sweet Dealmob we received as a gift) and had a blast.

The picture was called "Iron Horse."  I think I won.  I mean, whoops.  It's not a competition. It's not a competition. It's not a competition.

*Crafting under the influence, unlike painting under the influence, is not an activity for novice crafters.  Please note that I do not endorse amateur drunk crafting.  It takes years of glue gun burns and needle-wielding to be able to hold your own on the craft frontier.  It's a dangerous world.  If you don't believe me, pick up a copy of  Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People at your local bookstore.**

**(guys, that's actually a really funny video, you should watch it)

Happy New Year

xoxo, Jess and Moof

Gift Wrappin'

Have you guys noticed how expensive wrapping paper is? This Christmas, I'm a little low on funds (going back to school has this way of sucking you dry) and so I wanted a way to wrap presents and make them look cute, but on the cheap.

Solution: paper bags. I asked the cashier at Kroger for some extras, and they gave me a whole stack!

First, I cut down the middle of one side and then cut the bottom out to make one long peice, like this. I saved the bottoms to make gift tags.

Wrap up your box, and you'll discover that it's a great blank canvas!

I took pastels and drew designs. You could also decoupage, use stickers or stamps, or even leave it blank!

I had leftover tissue paper from last year and yarn from my Charlie Kelly Halloween costume, so I used those to dress up the package.

This post by one of my favorite bloggers, Delightfully Tacky, reminded me of the pompoms I used to make as a kid. Her method is a little different than mine: I just wrap yarn around my fingers a bunch of times, and then carefully slide it off.

Tie your yarn ball carefully (and VERY tightly) to the top of the package. You want it tight, or else it will fall apart.

Clip the loops and fluff out the yarn so it's a pompom!

I used scrapbook paper and the bag bottoms to make gift tags. I had that little clay stocking left over from a few years ago too, so I used it to tie the yellow tissue paper in to the rest of the package.

Voila! There are a bunch of variations, but it's fun and cute, and super cheap!

Jess Gets Competitive

A couple of nights ago, dudefriend and I competed in (and won!) a Gingerbread House competition!

Our theme was "Gingerbird House"

We made the sidewalk out of Big Red chewing gum, and the bushes out of broccoli.

I curled up pieces of chewing gum to add texture to the roof. Dudefriend carefully cut a hole in the front of the house for the bird to get in and out, and then an even smaller hole for the candy cane perch.

There's even a little pretzel privacy fence, engineered by dudefriend, to keep out the "Peep-ing Toms"!

The back of the house has another hole - a window, complete with pretzel windowpanes and a flower box filled with Nerds.

The piece de resistance: Peeps!

Tree Trimmed

A few days ago, dudefriend and I bought a little 4ft tree from Lowes to decorate. I think it's so adorable!

This little poinsettia deer at Cracker Barrel, of all places. They always have neat folky ornaments. I may switch the gold cord he's hanging on for a red ribbon.

We picked that little robin ornament up in downtown Asheville, he looks so nice nestled in the branches.

My mom gave us this glittery snowman, and a matching reindeer.

I made two strands of bunting in lieu of garland. I just used scrapbook paper and yarn, and a hole punch. 2 sheets of 12x12 paper yielded 2 4ft strands, with leftover paper for gift tags!

Moof and I donned our Christmas clothes. He *loves being a rein-cat!

*hates

Look at this.

This is fantastic:

SLUTWALK

I know it's old, and you all may have seen it, but this is the first time I've heard of it.

Seeking Warmth

Good Morning, freezing friends, and

Happy December!

I wish i knew how to throw some glitter on those words.

Now that it's December, we can officially embrace the beginnings of the holiday season. Ideally you have been celebrating the Holiday season for a few months now, but apparently that is "not cool" or "annoying" or "draining" to those of you scrooges out there, and therefore not very popular.

Oldie but a goody, right? Speaking of Christmas music, She & Him released A Very She & Him Christmas a couple months ago, and it's adorable and delightful and you should acquire it. I'e been listening on loop in my car for months.

So with the approaching holidays, we have the plunging temperatures, which makes getting out of bed oh so very hard. Which is why I have developed a morning warmth system that I would like to share with you:

INGREDIANTS:

electric blanket or heating pad

slippers

hot tea/hot cocoa/coffee

clothes for the day

1. get out of bed. this is the hard part.

2. turn on blanket/heating pad. make bed with this on top. gather all of your clothes, minus undies, and place UNDER heated object with another blanket on top to seal in the warmth. Yes, we are preheating your clothes.

3. Put undies in bathroom. Turn on shower to hot, close door to bathroom. We are preheating the bathroom.

4. Go gather all your breakfast stuff. Make sure you have a clean mug, never a sure bet in my house. I recommend planning ahead and washing one the night before.

5. Shower. Before opening the bathroom door after your shower, blow dry your hair. Hopefully, you are sweating by the end of it.

6. Put on your pre-heated clothes.

7. Drink warm beverage. Voyage into the cold. You are so warm by this point that the cold will be refreshing, not awful...

Happy holidays! Don't forget your hat!

How to learn to hate wine

Happy holidays! 'Tis the season of holiday parties, friends, family, gift-giving, etc.

'Tis the season to imbibe.

This past weekend, I visited Asheville, NC for my birthday! While in Asheville, I went to a wine tasting at the Biltmore Estate.

Jess! You hate wine! It makes you dry heave to smell it! People pour you a glass with dinner and you rudely turn it down! Why did you go to a wine tasting?

Good questions. And a better answer: it was free with our fancy schmancy Candlelight Christmas tickets. And I never say no to free.

So we embarked on the tour, learned all about the grapes and fermentation and how to make the bubbly. And it was really really neat and educational. I love educational... and then came the tasting.

First, let me digress and tell you about my history of wine drinking.

1. Freshman year: my roommate and I bought a bottle of Merlot. It tasted nasty with our Olive Garden take out... but delicious with the vending machine cookies we ate for dessert. I had a wicked hangover.

2. Sophomore year: to celebrate our first apartment, my roommate and I bought a big bottle of Riesling. We drank too much, too fast, and danced to Miley Cyrus. I had a wicked hangover.

3. Discovery of Arbor Mist and, my personal fave, Andre: Oh, peach-flavored Andre. Oh, you. You don't even taste remotely wine or champ-like. A beautiful thing, you are.

4. Mistaking liking Andre for liking Champagn: Champ and Andre are NOT THE SAME. Champ is not nearly as delicious. Even if you put fruit in it. Or juice. Sigh.

5. Trying to learn to like wine: This happened this summer. I decided once and for all it was time to get over my vino-aversion, and start choosing wine over beer (because beer makes me farty, ok?) I wimped out. After 1 sip. I still prefer beer.

Which brings me to the wine tasting. I was handed a list and told I could have as much as I'd like. My first thought was, I wish this was beer. But then I decided to suck it up and taste some and get over it.

And you know what? It wasn't half bad. I even found a couple I really enjoyed. Yes they were white wines, yes they were sweet and fruity, so what? I bought a bottle, it's Christmas Wine. It's delicious.

Bottom line: don't try to like something by overindulging, especially with alcohol. And drink good wine. And remember Tums when you're drinking beer.

Me, in front of the Bass Pond at Biltmore.

An Incomplete List of Condiment Lines To Use In Daily Conversation

by Jess and Terry.

"Happy 4th of July! Don't you just love Hollandaise?!"

"Chimichurri up and put your shoes on!"

"Jalapeno bills!" (read: holla! payin' yo bills)

"I hate to truffle any feathers, but someone's got to say something!"

"I'd ask her out, butter brother looks tough."

"Don't be a sauerkraut!"

"Will you marinara me?"

"Agave you two warnings already."

"Chow chow you doin'?"

"Marmite I have the next dance?"

"You're just going to have to chutney on this one."

"I Worcestershire I'd asked her out first."

"Girl, put some panties on. From this angle I can syrup your skirt."

"Don't think twice, it's all raita."

"I vinaigrette to tell you, but I have already made plans."

"You aioli live once!"

"Would you like to dijon me for dinner?"

"I went tobasco in the sun and got a sunburn."

"It was a good night, with only margarine-al errors."

"Girl, have you lost weight? You look tahini!"

"I haven't seen you in forever - we should ketchup soon!"

"Instead of going out, we can just stay home and sriracha movie!"

"Honey, mustard you wear that shirt again??"

"Sometimes you just have to caesar the opportunity and steal a kiss!"

"I prefer to only date boys from the ranch."

"Mayo I have a cookie?"

Hey, you wasabi me a drink?"

"You mustard be on time for your classes!"

"What do you guys soy, sauce we stop?"

gross!

Isn't it weird how animals like gross things? Like, rotting garbage or other animals' feces?

Mufasa likes feet.

He also likes my pits after a run. He noses way up in there and tries to lick. It's super nasty.

Your morning dose of gross, thoughtfully brought to you by Mess.
You're welcome.

Delicious Treats: My Life

I've really hit a kitchen low:

I considered making the Mayonegg.



Am I gross? Maybe. I like to think I'm just bland though.

Book Review

The Help

by Kathryn Stockett It took me a couple of days to really get in to this book, but once I did I read it straight through. Surprisingly light for the subject matter, The Help explores the relationships between white women and their hired black help in mid-20th century Mississippi.

Overall, the book was good. Stockett has a nice voice, and it reads easy. It was a little too fluffy for my taste, barely brushing on the dark side of the issue. It reads more as a coming-of-age story than a commentary on the social turmoil of the time.

Have you ever read a book that you really enjoyed while you were reading it, and immediately afterwards you were like yeah! it's so good! go read it! but then a week later you just feel sort of meh about it? That's how I feel about this book. It's a good read, very interesting, but probably not as good as I initially thought.

Behind the Times

So remember that one time (21 years) that I thought Narwhals were fictional fantasy beasties? I was sure set straight. They're real.I somehow missed the news of Amy Winehouse's death, too. It only took me 3 weeks this time though. Her voice was amazing, take a listen.

Misadventure

Whenever I go to Altanta it's bad news. OK, maybe I'm not the best driver. I'll admit it. My mother's nerves run in my veins and traffic gives me little hives. I may or may not be joking.

Why do people always get so weird about me and Terry sharing a fitting room? Yeah, ok, we are adult women and not 14 and maybe it's looked down upon in store like the GAP but really, so what who cares? Sometimes you need your best friend's opinion without having to step out of the room. GET OVER IT ATTENDANT. IT'S NOT WEIRD.

I always joke that I keep Terry around bc while I may be an unlucky person in general, her luck always takes the bad-luck cake. Like a few weeks ago when she got drenched (DRENCHED like thrown in a pool) by some rain and then had to spend an hour in the nuddy-pants hanging out in a creeper's apartment who was trying hard to feel it up.

Have you ever been to IKEA? That place is freaking awful.. have you noticed what jerks a lot of the people shopping there are? HELLO. Also, the parking lot. THE PARKING GARAGE. I'm sorry, multiple parking garages. And is it just me but does a food court in a furniture store just seem like a bad idea? And no I don't want to get my own furniture down, I get paid to do that at work. Actually, I get paid to find a strong boy who is also getting paid to get furniture down. I won't even do it when I'm getting paid, I sure don't want to do it when I'm footing the bill.

Basically, I should just stay OTP. In the woods. Or at my laptop watching Lonely Island vids.

Unless you're driving. Then I'll tag along. After I take a Valium.

BOOK REVIEW

Super Sad True Love Story

By Gary Shteyngart

First of all, Gary Shteyngart is one of my favorite authors. If you haven't read Absurdistan or The Russian Debutante's Handbook, I would highly recommend doing so. His writing is humorous and gross and weird, but overall it's just really good.

Super Sad True Love Story, like Gary's previous novels, follows a young(-ish) Jewish guy, Lenny, on his quest to win the heart of a much younger and damaged woman - Eunice. Meanwhile the United States is literally collapsing around them and they are having to fight for survival.

In their dystopian world, people have to rely on technology as a means of communication and networking so much that when people actually speak face to face, they call it "verballing" and it is a foreign and strange occurrence. Super Sad goes back and forth between Lenny's e-mails and journal entries and Eunice's e-mail and chat accounts - never is there a conversation observed that is not through these means.

It's a dark story, but this book made me laugh a lot. It reads lightly, and it made an excellent pool read, but it is not vapid. It serves as a nice commentary on the government over governing, and our increased reliance on technology to communicate effectively. It also feels like a very relevant read, as the US is collapsing due to bankruptcy and their inability to pay off their loans to China. UH OH.

Here's a (funny! real funny.) promotional video for this book and the author:
So, yeah. Check it out from the library, buy it on Amazon, or you local bookstore. Two thumbs up.

Read more about Gary Shteyngart here.

Tangent

Isn't it funny that no matter when you go to Kroger you ALWAYS SEE PEOPLE YOU KNOW?? I took a "nap" and woke up at 10pm and my inner dialogue went like this:
me 1: "girl, get out of bed brush your hair and go buy some groceries."
me 2: "but I could skip dinner and just sleep... or I could eat flax seeds and green tea..."
me 1: "stop bitching and go buy groceries."
So I did. And I even put on a little mascara. And as I was leaving I was thinking that my chances of running in to people I know are pretty slim, seeing as it's 10:15 on a Saturday night. To further decrease my chances of awkward run-ins, I even chose the east-side Krogs.

And then I ran in to this girl who I used to work with in Madison, who once or twice supplied an under-21 me with over-21 libations and used to tell me about all the old men she had slept with. Only now she's dating our old boss. (To be fair, he's really nice and pretty cute.) And it was awkward because for some reason I feel like I need to explain what I'm doing with my life, like people just assume I'm flailing and floundering unless I tell them what I'm actually up to, which is mostly flailing and floundering. And hopping fences to go swimming. Not that me giving a life update is necessarily awkward. It's just that I always have to give them to people who don't care. This poor girl was just trying to do something normal, like buy some milk, and I verbal vomited all over her. Like she had even wondered what I had been up to in the last two years.

Finally she peeled herself away from me. I check my cell phone like a nervous tick: no new messages. I go home to my house, deserted except for Moof, and turn on Sex and the City reruns, and proceed to eat about half of the food I had just bought. Craving attention, I consider texting people who reliably text me back, but realize how sad that is and talk to the cat instead. Sex and the City goes off, should I watch Teen Mom, or go to bed? I turn on Teen Mom, feeling too lazy to walk upstairs, and then promptly turn it off when the teen couple starts arguing over who will buy their son's first birthday cake.

Speaking of cake, I witnessed a Family Doing A Family Thing while in Krogs: picking out a cake. The bakery was closed, so they were studying the leftover cakes in the cake case, while their teenaged son tries to look nonchalant and pretend like he's too cool to be looking at cakes with his fam but still trying to not look annoyed or embarassed even though he totally is. Meanwhile I'm trying to look cool and nonchalant checking out some fresh bread that I am never going to buy even though I'm really just spying on this Family Doing A Family Thing. It makes me miss my family. How fun it is to have a little brother going into his angsty phase! How I miss hearing him talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours. I miss embarassing him about his girlfriend.

Moral of this story: Always brush your hair before going to Kroger.

Now I'm off to internet-stalk Andy Samberg. Good night.

Baby in the Corner

Today is my first day of new work, and my biggest hope is that people (customers) stop calling me baby (ew.) Maybe the 200 mile move northward will help with this, or maybe people will magically develop manners. The kind of manners where skeezy old men* know it's not a-ok to brush against me, get really close to my face, or tell me how cute I am. It's not appropriate, dudes.

*or anyone.

Lundi Link-day

Links!

Did you know that plastics were first created to help save the environment? I didn't! This book has made it on to my summer reading list for sure.

A look at a few bathroom fixtures that were once standard that we have since done away with.

This article is sad and scary, but I think we all know someone who has had this happen to them. Watch your money!

MEOW! Cats in art. First cat looks like he's being tortured..

The nearly-magical (OK, I know it's not really magic...) Wolfram Alpha search engine turning two. Are we SURE it's not powered by Wolfram and Hart??

I haven't had pancakes in a year! These Quinoa Pancakes seem like a perfect recipe to break that dry spell AND eat more Quinoa - a protein powerhouse. The New York Times recipes for health all look delicious, fo real.

A 28-day Digital Diet. As much as I love breaking my Internet addiction every once and a while, 28 days is a long time to go. I really like the idea for a contest between friends to see who could text the least during a month.

Want some new music for Monday? This has been making me smile.

REPUBLICAN SMORGASBORD:
Awaiting the Rapture
Boring Candidates - Although I must disagree - John Edwards was pretty boring until he was at the center of his own sex scandal.
Let's Clear-Cut the Rain forest!
A decent article about different potential candidates
Newt loves Dancing Queen

Just so we're clear, the Britbrit vid is part of the Republican madness.

YAY for Zooey Deschanel and the other hilarious ladies behind HelloGiggles!

Have a really awesome week, STAY HYDRATED.