Gift Wrappin'

Have you guys noticed how expensive wrapping paper is? This Christmas, I'm a little low on funds (going back to school has this way of sucking you dry) and so I wanted a way to wrap presents and make them look cute, but on the cheap.

Solution: paper bags. I asked the cashier at Kroger for some extras, and they gave me a whole stack!

First, I cut down the middle of one side and then cut the bottom out to make one long peice, like this. I saved the bottoms to make gift tags.

Wrap up your box, and you'll discover that it's a great blank canvas!

I took pastels and drew designs. You could also decoupage, use stickers or stamps, or even leave it blank!

I had leftover tissue paper from last year and yarn from my Charlie Kelly Halloween costume, so I used those to dress up the package.

This post by one of my favorite bloggers, Delightfully Tacky, reminded me of the pompoms I used to make as a kid. Her method is a little different than mine: I just wrap yarn around my fingers a bunch of times, and then carefully slide it off.

Tie your yarn ball carefully (and VERY tightly) to the top of the package. You want it tight, or else it will fall apart.

Clip the loops and fluff out the yarn so it's a pompom!

I used scrapbook paper and the bag bottoms to make gift tags. I had that little clay stocking left over from a few years ago too, so I used it to tie the yellow tissue paper in to the rest of the package.

Voila! There are a bunch of variations, but it's fun and cute, and super cheap!

Jess Gets Competitive

A couple of nights ago, dudefriend and I competed in (and won!) a Gingerbread House competition!

Our theme was "Gingerbird House"

We made the sidewalk out of Big Red chewing gum, and the bushes out of broccoli.

I curled up pieces of chewing gum to add texture to the roof. Dudefriend carefully cut a hole in the front of the house for the bird to get in and out, and then an even smaller hole for the candy cane perch.

There's even a little pretzel privacy fence, engineered by dudefriend, to keep out the "Peep-ing Toms"!

The back of the house has another hole - a window, complete with pretzel windowpanes and a flower box filled with Nerds.

The piece de resistance: Peeps!

Tree Trimmed

A few days ago, dudefriend and I bought a little 4ft tree from Lowes to decorate. I think it's so adorable!

This little poinsettia deer at Cracker Barrel, of all places. They always have neat folky ornaments. I may switch the gold cord he's hanging on for a red ribbon.

We picked that little robin ornament up in downtown Asheville, he looks so nice nestled in the branches.

My mom gave us this glittery snowman, and a matching reindeer.

I made two strands of bunting in lieu of garland. I just used scrapbook paper and yarn, and a hole punch. 2 sheets of 12x12 paper yielded 2 4ft strands, with leftover paper for gift tags!

Moof and I donned our Christmas clothes. He *loves being a rein-cat!

*hates

Look at this.

This is fantastic:

SLUTWALK

I know it's old, and you all may have seen it, but this is the first time I've heard of it.

Seeking Warmth

Good Morning, freezing friends, and

Happy December!

I wish i knew how to throw some glitter on those words.

Now that it's December, we can officially embrace the beginnings of the holiday season. Ideally you have been celebrating the Holiday season for a few months now, but apparently that is "not cool" or "annoying" or "draining" to those of you scrooges out there, and therefore not very popular.

Oldie but a goody, right? Speaking of Christmas music, She & Him released A Very She & Him Christmas a couple months ago, and it's adorable and delightful and you should acquire it. I'e been listening on loop in my car for months.

So with the approaching holidays, we have the plunging temperatures, which makes getting out of bed oh so very hard. Which is why I have developed a morning warmth system that I would like to share with you:

INGREDIANTS:

electric blanket or heating pad

slippers

hot tea/hot cocoa/coffee

clothes for the day

1. get out of bed. this is the hard part.

2. turn on blanket/heating pad. make bed with this on top. gather all of your clothes, minus undies, and place UNDER heated object with another blanket on top to seal in the warmth. Yes, we are preheating your clothes.

3. Put undies in bathroom. Turn on shower to hot, close door to bathroom. We are preheating the bathroom.

4. Go gather all your breakfast stuff. Make sure you have a clean mug, never a sure bet in my house. I recommend planning ahead and washing one the night before.

5. Shower. Before opening the bathroom door after your shower, blow dry your hair. Hopefully, you are sweating by the end of it.

6. Put on your pre-heated clothes.

7. Drink warm beverage. Voyage into the cold. You are so warm by this point that the cold will be refreshing, not awful...

Happy holidays! Don't forget your hat!

How to learn to hate wine

Happy holidays! 'Tis the season of holiday parties, friends, family, gift-giving, etc.

'Tis the season to imbibe.

This past weekend, I visited Asheville, NC for my birthday! While in Asheville, I went to a wine tasting at the Biltmore Estate.

Jess! You hate wine! It makes you dry heave to smell it! People pour you a glass with dinner and you rudely turn it down! Why did you go to a wine tasting?

Good questions. And a better answer: it was free with our fancy schmancy Candlelight Christmas tickets. And I never say no to free.

So we embarked on the tour, learned all about the grapes and fermentation and how to make the bubbly. And it was really really neat and educational. I love educational... and then came the tasting.

First, let me digress and tell you about my history of wine drinking.

1. Freshman year: my roommate and I bought a bottle of Merlot. It tasted nasty with our Olive Garden take out... but delicious with the vending machine cookies we ate for dessert. I had a wicked hangover.

2. Sophomore year: to celebrate our first apartment, my roommate and I bought a big bottle of Riesling. We drank too much, too fast, and danced to Miley Cyrus. I had a wicked hangover.

3. Discovery of Arbor Mist and, my personal fave, Andre: Oh, peach-flavored Andre. Oh, you. You don't even taste remotely wine or champ-like. A beautiful thing, you are.

4. Mistaking liking Andre for liking Champagn: Champ and Andre are NOT THE SAME. Champ is not nearly as delicious. Even if you put fruit in it. Or juice. Sigh.

5. Trying to learn to like wine: This happened this summer. I decided once and for all it was time to get over my vino-aversion, and start choosing wine over beer (because beer makes me farty, ok?) I wimped out. After 1 sip. I still prefer beer.

Which brings me to the wine tasting. I was handed a list and told I could have as much as I'd like. My first thought was, I wish this was beer. But then I decided to suck it up and taste some and get over it.

And you know what? It wasn't half bad. I even found a couple I really enjoyed. Yes they were white wines, yes they were sweet and fruity, so what? I bought a bottle, it's Christmas Wine. It's delicious.

Bottom line: don't try to like something by overindulging, especially with alcohol. And drink good wine. And remember Tums when you're drinking beer.

Me, in front of the Bass Pond at Biltmore.

An Incomplete List of Condiment Lines To Use In Daily Conversation

by Jess and Terry.

"Happy 4th of July! Don't you just love Hollandaise?!"

"Chimichurri up and put your shoes on!"

"Jalapeno bills!" (read: holla! payin' yo bills)

"I hate to truffle any feathers, but someone's got to say something!"

"I'd ask her out, butter brother looks tough."

"Don't be a sauerkraut!"

"Will you marinara me?"

"Agave you two warnings already."

"Chow chow you doin'?"

"Marmite I have the next dance?"

"You're just going to have to chutney on this one."

"I Worcestershire I'd asked her out first."

"Girl, put some panties on. From this angle I can syrup your skirt."

"Don't think twice, it's all raita."

"I vinaigrette to tell you, but I have already made plans."

"You aioli live once!"

"Would you like to dijon me for dinner?"

"I went tobasco in the sun and got a sunburn."

"It was a good night, with only margarine-al errors."

"Girl, have you lost weight? You look tahini!"

"I haven't seen you in forever - we should ketchup soon!"

"Instead of going out, we can just stay home and sriracha movie!"

"Honey, mustard you wear that shirt again??"

"Sometimes you just have to caesar the opportunity and steal a kiss!"

"I prefer to only date boys from the ranch."

"Mayo I have a cookie?"

Hey, you wasabi me a drink?"

"You mustard be on time for your classes!"

"What do you guys soy, sauce we stop?"

gross!

Isn't it weird how animals like gross things? Like, rotting garbage or other animals' feces?

Mufasa likes feet.

He also likes my pits after a run. He noses way up in there and tries to lick. It's super nasty.

Your morning dose of gross, thoughtfully brought to you by Mess.
You're welcome.

Delicious Treats: My Life

I've really hit a kitchen low:

I considered making the Mayonegg.



Am I gross? Maybe. I like to think I'm just bland though.

Book Review

The Help

by Kathryn Stockett It took me a couple of days to really get in to this book, but once I did I read it straight through. Surprisingly light for the subject matter, The Help explores the relationships between white women and their hired black help in mid-20th century Mississippi.

Overall, the book was good. Stockett has a nice voice, and it reads easy. It was a little too fluffy for my taste, barely brushing on the dark side of the issue. It reads more as a coming-of-age story than a commentary on the social turmoil of the time.

Have you ever read a book that you really enjoyed while you were reading it, and immediately afterwards you were like yeah! it's so good! go read it! but then a week later you just feel sort of meh about it? That's how I feel about this book. It's a good read, very interesting, but probably not as good as I initially thought.

Behind the Times

So remember that one time (21 years) that I thought Narwhals were fictional fantasy beasties? I was sure set straight. They're real.I somehow missed the news of Amy Winehouse's death, too. It only took me 3 weeks this time though. Her voice was amazing, take a listen.

Misadventure

Whenever I go to Altanta it's bad news. OK, maybe I'm not the best driver. I'll admit it. My mother's nerves run in my veins and traffic gives me little hives. I may or may not be joking.

Why do people always get so weird about me and Terry sharing a fitting room? Yeah, ok, we are adult women and not 14 and maybe it's looked down upon in store like the GAP but really, so what who cares? Sometimes you need your best friend's opinion without having to step out of the room. GET OVER IT ATTENDANT. IT'S NOT WEIRD.

I always joke that I keep Terry around bc while I may be an unlucky person in general, her luck always takes the bad-luck cake. Like a few weeks ago when she got drenched (DRENCHED like thrown in a pool) by some rain and then had to spend an hour in the nuddy-pants hanging out in a creeper's apartment who was trying hard to feel it up.

Have you ever been to IKEA? That place is freaking awful.. have you noticed what jerks a lot of the people shopping there are? HELLO. Also, the parking lot. THE PARKING GARAGE. I'm sorry, multiple parking garages. And is it just me but does a food court in a furniture store just seem like a bad idea? And no I don't want to get my own furniture down, I get paid to do that at work. Actually, I get paid to find a strong boy who is also getting paid to get furniture down. I won't even do it when I'm getting paid, I sure don't want to do it when I'm footing the bill.

Basically, I should just stay OTP. In the woods. Or at my laptop watching Lonely Island vids.

Unless you're driving. Then I'll tag along. After I take a Valium.

BOOK REVIEW

Super Sad True Love Story

By Gary Shteyngart

First of all, Gary Shteyngart is one of my favorite authors. If you haven't read Absurdistan or The Russian Debutante's Handbook, I would highly recommend doing so. His writing is humorous and gross and weird, but overall it's just really good.

Super Sad True Love Story, like Gary's previous novels, follows a young(-ish) Jewish guy, Lenny, on his quest to win the heart of a much younger and damaged woman - Eunice. Meanwhile the United States is literally collapsing around them and they are having to fight for survival.

In their dystopian world, people have to rely on technology as a means of communication and networking so much that when people actually speak face to face, they call it "verballing" and it is a foreign and strange occurrence. Super Sad goes back and forth between Lenny's e-mails and journal entries and Eunice's e-mail and chat accounts - never is there a conversation observed that is not through these means.

It's a dark story, but this book made me laugh a lot. It reads lightly, and it made an excellent pool read, but it is not vapid. It serves as a nice commentary on the government over governing, and our increased reliance on technology to communicate effectively. It also feels like a very relevant read, as the US is collapsing due to bankruptcy and their inability to pay off their loans to China. UH OH.

Here's a (funny! real funny.) promotional video for this book and the author:
So, yeah. Check it out from the library, buy it on Amazon, or you local bookstore. Two thumbs up.

Read more about Gary Shteyngart here.

Tangent

Isn't it funny that no matter when you go to Kroger you ALWAYS SEE PEOPLE YOU KNOW?? I took a "nap" and woke up at 10pm and my inner dialogue went like this:
me 1: "girl, get out of bed brush your hair and go buy some groceries."
me 2: "but I could skip dinner and just sleep... or I could eat flax seeds and green tea..."
me 1: "stop bitching and go buy groceries."
So I did. And I even put on a little mascara. And as I was leaving I was thinking that my chances of running in to people I know are pretty slim, seeing as it's 10:15 on a Saturday night. To further decrease my chances of awkward run-ins, I even chose the east-side Krogs.

And then I ran in to this girl who I used to work with in Madison, who once or twice supplied an under-21 me with over-21 libations and used to tell me about all the old men she had slept with. Only now she's dating our old boss. (To be fair, he's really nice and pretty cute.) And it was awkward because for some reason I feel like I need to explain what I'm doing with my life, like people just assume I'm flailing and floundering unless I tell them what I'm actually up to, which is mostly flailing and floundering. And hopping fences to go swimming. Not that me giving a life update is necessarily awkward. It's just that I always have to give them to people who don't care. This poor girl was just trying to do something normal, like buy some milk, and I verbal vomited all over her. Like she had even wondered what I had been up to in the last two years.

Finally she peeled herself away from me. I check my cell phone like a nervous tick: no new messages. I go home to my house, deserted except for Moof, and turn on Sex and the City reruns, and proceed to eat about half of the food I had just bought. Craving attention, I consider texting people who reliably text me back, but realize how sad that is and talk to the cat instead. Sex and the City goes off, should I watch Teen Mom, or go to bed? I turn on Teen Mom, feeling too lazy to walk upstairs, and then promptly turn it off when the teen couple starts arguing over who will buy their son's first birthday cake.

Speaking of cake, I witnessed a Family Doing A Family Thing while in Krogs: picking out a cake. The bakery was closed, so they were studying the leftover cakes in the cake case, while their teenaged son tries to look nonchalant and pretend like he's too cool to be looking at cakes with his fam but still trying to not look annoyed or embarassed even though he totally is. Meanwhile I'm trying to look cool and nonchalant checking out some fresh bread that I am never going to buy even though I'm really just spying on this Family Doing A Family Thing. It makes me miss my family. How fun it is to have a little brother going into his angsty phase! How I miss hearing him talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours. I miss embarassing him about his girlfriend.

Moral of this story: Always brush your hair before going to Kroger.

Now I'm off to internet-stalk Andy Samberg. Good night.

Baby in the Corner

Today is my first day of new work, and my biggest hope is that people (customers) stop calling me baby (ew.) Maybe the 200 mile move northward will help with this, or maybe people will magically develop manners. The kind of manners where skeezy old men* know it's not a-ok to brush against me, get really close to my face, or tell me how cute I am. It's not appropriate, dudes.

*or anyone.

Lundi Link-day

Links!

Did you know that plastics were first created to help save the environment? I didn't! This book has made it on to my summer reading list for sure.

A look at a few bathroom fixtures that were once standard that we have since done away with.

This article is sad and scary, but I think we all know someone who has had this happen to them. Watch your money!

MEOW! Cats in art. First cat looks like he's being tortured..

The nearly-magical (OK, I know it's not really magic...) Wolfram Alpha search engine turning two. Are we SURE it's not powered by Wolfram and Hart??

I haven't had pancakes in a year! These Quinoa Pancakes seem like a perfect recipe to break that dry spell AND eat more Quinoa - a protein powerhouse. The New York Times recipes for health all look delicious, fo real.

A 28-day Digital Diet. As much as I love breaking my Internet addiction every once and a while, 28 days is a long time to go. I really like the idea for a contest between friends to see who could text the least during a month.

Want some new music for Monday? This has been making me smile.

REPUBLICAN SMORGASBORD:
Awaiting the Rapture
Boring Candidates - Although I must disagree - John Edwards was pretty boring until he was at the center of his own sex scandal.
Let's Clear-Cut the Rain forest!
A decent article about different potential candidates
Newt loves Dancing Queen

Just so we're clear, the Britbrit vid is part of the Republican madness.

YAY for Zooey Deschanel and the other hilarious ladies behind HelloGiggles!

Have a really awesome week, STAY HYDRATED.

Lundi Link-day (belated)

The kid brother and I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4 on Friday. It was fun, like the others, but they didn't bother changing up the soundtrack much - they basically took it straight from the first movie and did not vary the theme. That was a smidge disappointing.

Linktime:

See kids, facebook is draining.

Guess! The! Sentences!

Are you a negative person? I sometimes am, and this article really hits home for me.

This guy's blog is pretty awesome, here's one of my favorite articles. Could you do all 72 things? It's daunting but I bet it would make life way more enjoyable.

Swoon. Also: I really want a skirt guard.

Magnetic digital Cat Camera that takes saturated pictures.

Small week, yes.

Have you met my dog?

Meet Kingsley, my dog. He's a big scaredy-cat. In fact, he is scared of cats. And big, fluffy dogs. And Nikita.
He's a fun day trip partner. I haven't taken him on an overnight camping trip yet because he's a little unpredictable. We are going to try it out in 2 weeks though! That's my little brother with the dog. Only he's not so little any more - 13! Sheesh.

That last photo was taken with my new camera - a Diana Mini. The pictures turned out very Diana-esque, so I guess round 1 was a success.

Last Weekend

Just got my handy disposable cam developed from last weekend, and some of the pics were cute:

Terry and I split a delicious (read: too rich to finish) cupcake from Gigi's Cupcakes in Athens, and felt the need to document it. That's what happens when we spend too much time apart.

Nice work graduating, Terry.

Terry and Chris

Scary flash at night. Eek, a big downside to going disposable.

WARRIOR DASH

THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN. Seriously, I would do it again in a heartbeat. When it was over, Keats and I wanted to line up and do it again.

It's really not a difficult race. I'd say if you can run 2 miles you're good to go. The only part that *killed* me was the mile up a muddy hill. We don't HAVE hills down here on the coastal plain!

Next year I'm going to try for under 30 minutes. :)

Try to be at the head of the pack: we had to wait for at least a minute at this obstacle because there were so many people! Same thing for a couple of the other challenges. But then again, we were a minute late to the starting line.

If you're thinking about doing it, just sign up. It was super fun.

Eating the Yard

Check out all the goodies growing in the yard: PEPPERS

PEARS

FIGS

Not pictured: Strawberries, Cantaloupe, Pecans, Tomatoes, Squash, Cucumber. Yum yum yummm.

Lundi Link-day

Happy Monday! This week is my return to being an enrolled student, even though my classes don't begin until August. I'm still excited though :)

NASA is looking for schools to give real space stuff to. Tell a teacher!

Everyone knows that it's SO HARD to maintain healthy habits when you are overworked and stressed. This article provides some excellent tips to help keep your health a priority. Something that I started doing this year is using a planner religiously: I write every little thing I want to accomplish or need to remember to pack the night before, and then the next day you get to cross items off your list. It really helps me fit in exercise and eating decently on a day where I'm rushing between jobs and errands.

Less than a week until the Warrior Dash! I'm nervous.

Have you read about Masada? A friend gave me this book so I've been reading up on it lately. Just a bit of interesting history.

Hillary Clinton and Middle East conflict, from Vanity Fair.

Also from Vanity Fair: A 360 degree photo story of Donald Trump's hair.

Photos of shipwrecks calling out to the treasure-lover in me.

Have a really great week! Good job to all you kids graduating this weekend.

Lundi Link-day

Happy Monday! And a belated May Day too.
Learning to want less. This is a hard lesson for me - I'm constantly craving new THINGS. Clothes, music, gadgets, books, food. I'm a big-time consumer. Lately I've been realizing that consumerism makes me sad, so I'm trying to want less. I think wanting more is an addiction: once I buy something new I just want to keep buying more and more...

Chicks with Steve Buschemeyes. Pretty funny.

I've never had any running training, but after running regularly for a few months I've wanted to improve my form. I've been trying these drills this week to see if they make running feel like less work.

The 2011 TIME 100. I thought a lot of this was pretty dull this year. Joe Biden, Barack and Michelle, AND Hillary Clinton? Lacking a little creativity, guys. It's still interesting to read though, and I discovered some new stuff, like this.

EagleCam. Mom's obsessed with it.

OMG. I will be making these ASAP. Oh, how I LOVE bacon.

Someone showed this to me a long time ago, but for some reason I always think of it when I think of bacon. Which is often.

Did you SEE the Royal Wedding Cake? wowza...

~


Have a happy week!

Book Review

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

I decided to read this book after I read about Amy Chua in the Time Magazine 100 most influential people edition. The book seemed interesting and I was lacking other reading materials, so I downloaded it and began.

Chua is a professor at Yale Law, and the daughter of Chinese immigrants. She is married to a Jewish man, and they have two daughters, Sophia and Lulu. This book is her story of raising the girls in the western world while trying to maintain the ideals of a "Chinese mother."

Battle Hymn is remarkably readable: I read the entire book in one sitting. Chua's voice is humorous and easy to follow. However, she received a lot of negative press for this book - Many critics claim her style of parenting to be emotionally abusive and extreme.

If you check out some of the Amazon reviews, you'll see that this book angers a lot of people. Not me. I loved it. But that's because I come from a competitive musical background. Not on the performing-at-Carnegie-at-age-13 level, but from a moderately serious this-is-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life level. And coming from that background, I recognize that one of the best gifts a parent can give a child is music. Chua is correct: nothing is fun until you're good at it. And when things are hard, kids don't necessarily want to do what it takes to master a skill and move to the next level. That's when parents have to step in and be hard and firm and drill the child adn force them to perservere. No prodigies would be born and no progress would be made otherwise. Chua's story is one of long, exhausting but fruitful days, and the products they produce.

If you want a quick read and a glimpse into a different lifestyle, I would recommed this book. I was definitely entertained by reading it.

Read more: The New York Times

Buy it: on Amazon

First Ride in a Helicopter

Good evening! This afternoon I was lucky enough to go on my first helicopter ride!


Usually, I get a little nervous when I fly, and at first I was super-nervous: I had never been in a helicopter and I had never let a friend fly me around before. But it was worth it!

It was really fun getting to see Thomasville from up top. It's always felt like a small town to me, having grown up in cities most of my life... but I never knew just HOW small it was until I was up high and could literally see one end of town to the other in one view.

(People burn to clear feilds for farming around here. I could see 9 smoke areas where people were burning.)
I didn't bring a camera with me, but my friend has an iPhone and let me snap some pics with it. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the photos it took!


a cool old barn we flew over


Baseball fields looked really neat from above.


Even on my days off I can't get away...

Once I got the feel of the lift and wind shifts in the helicopter, it was great. I was a happy flyer. I wouldn't necessarily recommend eating sushi immediately before-hand like i did though...



:)

Book Review

The Fair Tax Book by Neal Boortz and John Linder



Ever since being assaulted in 2009 by an angry teapartier at a tea party event in Athens, GA, I have been interested in the Fair Tax, and the stuff that makes these partiers so angry! I'm embarrassed to say that I have neglected trying to learn more about it until now, but when I came across this book in my local bookstore, I couldn't resist giving it a try. I even started to feel excited about reading it when the owner of the bookstore gave it rave reviews at the checkout.

Well, I should have known by the authors that this book would slant. And I should have realized that the woman who loved the book was a conservative small business owner in a conservative small town. But I didn't think about all that...

...until I began reading.

Reading The Fair Tax Book is like signing up for a personal yell and shout session with Neal & John. Maybe to some people, it feels like they're yelling with you. But to me, I felt like they were shouting AT me. And that gets old really fast. I can only stand to read this book in 10-15 page spurts. Usually, that means a book is going over my head: not the case with this one. Boortz and Linder do a really good job keeping the words small and the ideas simple. But it's just exhausting to read a book that is written with such anger.

If you can handle the rage, I do recommend the book. There's some really great info in here, and I don't regret buying it. But beware! These men are pissed and they do nothing to hide it.

Learn more: on Wikipedia
Buy the book: on Amazon

Vacation Part 2

For our week away from home, our gracious host was Terry's wonderful aunt, Chris. She was super fun and took us to the Everglades for a day! We saw a bunch of wildlife: turtles... and gators... and more gators...

even a little gator movie!




a little gecko friend...



AND BEST OF ALL:

DOLPHINS!

It is super hard to take pictures of dolphins. According to our boat's Captain, they were mating.

Me and Terry on the Boat:


An accidental butt on the boat:



While on vaycay, we also indulged in a relaxing game of mini-golf:


I think Terry won.



All-in-all, it was a great vaycay. Our wonderful hostess Chris made everything so fun and relaxing:



But my favorite part was getting to be with a great friend for the week!


In a few days, I will write a little about the OTHER embarrassing camera I brought with me. Bye!